You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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