I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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