He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
