Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Randomize
