i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
