I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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