Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
