Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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