theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
