i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle