mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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