im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.