i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
