cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
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i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
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Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
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