I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
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You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
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Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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