Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
