youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
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If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
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He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...