Texts From Last Night

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  (315): View more from New York

  He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.

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  (315): He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out. http://tfl.nu/k9ox
  Replies (18) Good night (5035) Bad night (459)
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  (361): View more from Texas

  Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.

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  (361): Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight. http://tfl.nu/rb6t
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.

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  (440): Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them. http://tfl.nu/0bl8
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  (607): View more from New York

  The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.

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  (607): The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you. http://tfl.nu/2p1b
  Replies (8) Good night (4470) Bad night (548) Order T-Shirt
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b

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  (314): The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b http://tfl.nu/enbb
  Replies (9) Good night (763) Bad night (4426) Order T-Shirt
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..

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  (860): He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time.. http://tfl.nu/k00f
  Replies (8) Good night (5596) Bad night (999) Order T-Shirt
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  (315): View more from New York

  I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"

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  (315): I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy" http://tfl.nu/ekfn
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  (631): View more from New York

  judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.

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  (631): judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way. http://tfl.nu/a0to
  Replies (2) Good night (2659) Bad night (757) Order T-Shirt
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video

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  (573): It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video http://tfl.nu/x1wo
  Replies (9) Good night (1312) Bad night (645) Order T-Shirt
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack

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  (217): I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack http://tfl.nu/dmpk
  Replies (6) Good night (827) Bad night (2213)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water

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  (919): I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water http://tfl.nu/62v1
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in

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  (724): Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in http://tfl.nu/7o0k
  Replies (11) Good night (534) Bad night (1212)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.

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  (785): Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want. http://tfl.nu/2jiy
  Replies (3) Good night (735) Bad night (157)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.

  (1-401): View more from Rhode Island

  Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table

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  (401): Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it. (1-401): Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table http://tfl.nu/unxn
  Replies (5) Good night (859) Bad night (252) Order T-Shirt
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!

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  (262): one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday! http://tfl.nu/b0h1
  Replies (2) Good night (503) Bad night (198) Order T-Shirt

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