apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
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She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
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Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.