If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Randomize
