Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
