your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
