Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
