I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
