So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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