Im at strip club and am horny
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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