I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
