Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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