how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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