He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I haven't been this sober since birth.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
