just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
