This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
