I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
