Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Randomize
