remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
