So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
