I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
