Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Is this like a preordered booty call?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
