on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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