Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
