but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
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She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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