She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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