There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Randomize
