my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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