I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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