Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
