Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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