If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
