I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
