He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
