i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
