I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
