I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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