i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
As shirtless as possible
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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