I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
