I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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