he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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