you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
