my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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