what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
