I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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