wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
