You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
