Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
