Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize